


I won't lose you. I can't.

by MissGS



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Asmodeus is bad, BAMF Magnus Bane, Canon Divergence, Established Relationship, Hurt Alec Lightwood, Hurt Magnus Bane, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Magnus Bane Has Panic Attacks, Protective Alec Lightwood, Protective Magnus Bane, Shadowhunter Alec Lightwood, Smut, Warlock Magnus Bane, mentions of abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:29:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28443939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissGS/pseuds/MissGS
Summary: Magnus has lost his magic, but after looking at his life with a critical eye, he understands that magic isn't nearly as important as his family and his Alexander.Alec does everything in his power to get Magnus' magic and immortality back. He'll even go as far as make a deal with the Prince of Lust himself, Asmodeus.
Relationships: Alec Lightwood & Isabelle Lightwood & Jace Wayland, Asmodeus/Alec Lightwood, Asmodeus/Magnus Bane, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood/Original Character(s)
Comments: 22
Kudos: 38





	I won't lose you. I can't.

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: The characters are not mine, they are Cassandra Clare's creation.
> 
> This is just my reinterpretation of Alec's deal with Asmodeus and Magnus' reaction to it.  
> Some of the dialogue in the fic is taken word for word from the Shadowhunters TV show.  
> I've also picked actions and circumstances from both the books and the show. I preeeetty much made a big pile of information and handpicked what suited me and my "sensibilities". For instance, my Ragnor and my Raphael never die 🤭🤭🤭
> 
> This is my first posted fic (my first finished fic, to be honest), so I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it 😁  
> Also, English is not my first language, so if you find mistakes, please overlook them or message me and I'll review it 😉
> 
> Please leave comments below and have fun!

Magnus is a bit lost without his magic. Ok, maybe more than a bit lost, but after walking this planet for a little over 400 years, he’s learned that not many things can bring him down. His life has been filled with hardships and hopeless moments, but he has never allowed himself to give up, to be brought down.

After that embarrassing breakdown in front of Alec, Magnus has picked himself up, counted his blessings and has come to the conclusion that his magic isn’t as important as his friendships with Catarina, Raphael, Ragnor, even with the Shadowhunters and it is most definitely not as important as his beloved Alexander.

He’s finally found his soulmate, the one he’s unconsciously been searching for his entire life. His angel boy, Raziel’s greatest creation, if anybody asks Magnus. Tall, dark and handsome, (so, soooo handsome), of course, but so much more than that.

Alec has been the only one in Magnus’ long life to choose him above all else. Nobody had done that before for Magnus. Nobody was brave enough to love him in his entirety.

Alec knew everything about Magnus. His cruel past, his demonic inheritance, his many loves and the many times he’d had his heart broken.

After crying in Alec’s arms, after begging him not to leave him after he found out about everything, the only thing Alec ever did was hold him tight and whisper for hours on end _I love you. I am never going to leave you._

Alec was home for Magnus, the only place in this world where he could relax and feel content, happy, loved.

Magnus had resigned himself with the thought that the only permanence in his life would be his friends, but he never expected Alec to break down the fortress he had built around his heart and to make a happy little nest there, never to leave again.

And Magnus knew Alec’s heart better than his own. So when Alec stumbled into the loft looking lost and tired and helpless, Magnus was right there to find out what had made his love look like that and try to fix it, magic or no.

“Hello, Alexander! How are you?”

Magnus stands on his tiptoes to kiss Alec and Alec completely melts in Magnus’ arms.

“Magnus… I missed you…”

Alec’s voice is small, his exhaustion clear in his voice and features and his whole body is hunched over and tense like a bow.

“Darling, what’s wrong? We’ve just seen each other this morning and we had lunch together, though I still can’t get used to the food in the cafeteria here. Is everything ok? Are your siblings ok?” Magnus asks, feeling worry rushing through his veins.

“No, yes, everything is ok. It’s just…we haven’t really had time for each other with everything that has happened and I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever.”

Alec is looking into Magnus’ beautiful brown eyes and feels the immense regret sweeping him under. Magnus gave up his magic for him. Magnus gave up half his being to save his parabatai. _I have to do everything in my power to fix it, even if it breaks me_.

“Come, love, let’s sit on the couch.”

Magnus gently tugs Alec towards the couch, only to find resistance from his Shadowhunter.

"Alec?"

“Magnus, I need you…please…”

Alec’s voice is barely a whisper and his eyes are so impossibly sad.

Magnus changes directions and steers them towards Alec’s bed. Whatever has Alec so distraught, it’s clear he doesn’t want to talk about it right now. So Magnus does what he knows Alec wants: he comforts him with his body.

Magnus gently pushes Alec onto the bed and starts undressing him with careful, warm, caressing hands. His hands are sure, steady and loving as he marks the same path on Alec’s body that he’s marked so many times before. Alec clings to Magnus and keeps his hands on the bare skin on his waist, underneath his silk shirt. Magnus carefully takes off his own shirt and Alec helps him with his leather pants.

They don’t talk. They take comfort in the feeling of skin against skin, lips against lips, heart against heart.

Magnus caresses Alec’s cheek with so much love that Alec wants to cry. Magnus kisses Alec’s lips carefully, slowly, adoringly, then slides lower to his Deflect rune, licking over a hickey he had left just a couple of nights before. His left hand keeps its curious and reverent touch across Alec’s chest and side, while his right is gently, but firmly squeezing Alec’s hip so that he lets Magnus in between his legs. Alec complies willingly and leans into Magnus’ touches.

_How could I ever live without him? I can’t… I can’t!_

Magnus’ lips keep on descending on Alec’s left clavicle, across that sinful dip just below his Adam’s apple to his right clavicle, slowly kissing their way to Alec’s perky pink nipples almost lost in his silky chest hair. Magnus teases those already perked nipples with his lips, tongue, even his teeth and relishes in the soft sounds his love is making. All the while, he works his hips against Alec’s, creating that delicious friction between their unclothed cocks that they both desperately need.

Alec tries to lose himself in Magnus’ love, his attention, but it’s not enough.

“Faster, Magnus, faster. Please…” Alec pleads.

Magnus’ fingers snap to summon the bottle of lube into his hand, except he remembers that’s no longer something he can do.

Alec hears Magnus’ fingers snap and his heart breaks again. He can’t let Magnus pay a price that high.

Magnus, oblivious to Alec’s internal struggle, brushes off this small inconvenience (magic's not supposed to be used for something so trivial, anyway) and carries on with what he has started. He slowly reaches for the bedside table and pulls the bottle out of the first drawer. He returns to kissing Alec fiercely while slathering some lube onto his fingers. Distracting Alec with his long, deep kisses, Magnus draws circles around Alec’s entrance, feeling the ring of muscles slowly relax and become more inviting to his fingers. Alec’s moans urge Magnus to continue and he slowly pushes a finger in. Alec’s breath hitches at the intrusion, but he welcomes it with a thrust forward. Magnus keeps his movements steady, both inside and outside, still thrusting his hips against Alec’s. Magnus’ finger starts thrusting in and out of Alec’s warmth rotating and changing angles with every thrust. He feels for Alec’s prostate and brushes against it to relax him further.

“Magnus, more…” Alec’s head falls against the pillows, his eyes half closed, his pupils blown wide with desire.

Magnus makes sure Alec isn’t in any pain and he pushes a second finger into Alec’s heat shivering at the thought of having it around his throbbing cock. He works his fingers to the knuckles, eventually pushing them all the way in, gently and precisely brushing them against Alec’s sweet spot. Alec’s back arches off the bed and a strangled, desperate moan leaves his kiss-swollen lips. Magnus catches that moan with his mouth and continues his ministrations against Alec’s prostate. He soon slides a third finger in and Alec almost loses his mind right then and there. His fingers dig into Magnus’ back, leaving scratches behind and he latches onto his throat, small bruises blooming on Magnus’ golden skin.

_Not enough, not enough!_

And having this forever and a day would still not be enough.

“Magnus, more…”

Alec slides his palms over Magnus’ sides to his ass cheeks and digs his fingers in, pulling him impossibly closer. And who is Magnus to deny his beautiful angel anything?

He takes the bottle of lube and makes sure his cock is completely coated, using the fingers he’d been working Alec open with and slowly pushes his cock into that deliriously delicious heat, worrying a bit that it might be too early.

Alec obliterates whatever worry Magnus may have had as he hooks his legs behind Magnus’ ass and pulls him inside all the way. He feels that sweet stretch in his back, thighs, lower abdomen and he is pressed to think of a better sensation than Magnus’ long, thick cock rubbing against his walls, reshaping his very body to accommodate him, making him forget everything. Alec can feel his own cock jerking and leaking helplessly against his abdomen, but the only sensation he wants to focus on right now is Magnus’ cock inside.

Alec’s moans are both sinful and angelic. He urges Magnus to go faster and harder and Magnus’ mind, even through the haze of lust and passion, screams at him that this behavior is not normal for his Alexander. He, however, decides to ignore it for now and concentrate on giving Alec what he seems to be needing right now.

Magnus builds up a slow, torturous rhythm meant to ease Alec into it and ensure that he won’t be sore after their lovemaking, but Alec is having none of that.

“Magnus, please…”

“Darling, I don’t want to hurt you. Just enjoy yourself and let me take care of you.”

Alec can’t argue with him when Magnus looks his way with so much love, care and affection, so he lets himself be taken apart by this incredible man who has allowed Alec to love him.

Magnus takes his time because magic or not, his soul still knows that Alec is hurting and what he needs now is to be cared for, loved gently. He kisses Alec slowly, deeply and pours all his love into every move of his hips, every caress of his hands and every soft breath against Alec’s pliant lips.

He uses his hands to write a love letter on Alec’s body, he uses his lips to recite a passion poem and lets the adoration he feels for this incredible man shine through his eyes.

It’s all so much for Alec and his heart hurts. How could he ever lose Magnus? How could he ever even go on with his life if Magnus isn’t there with him?

He grabs Magnus’ face with both his hands and pulls him in for a searing kiss. He feels his eyes growing hot and the familiar lump forming in his throat, but he pushes his emotions down, not wanting to startle Magnus. He swallows his tears and lets Magnus love him, probably for the last time.

“I love you so much…” Alec whispers choked up by emotion.

He pulls Magnus against his chest, urging him to go faster and harder and deeper until the only thing he can feel is Magnus.

Magnus speeds up and holds Alec as close as he can, trying to comfort him from all sides. He feels his orgasm creeping up on him, but he wants Alec there with him.

“Alexander…”

“Let go, Magnus. I want to feel you inside. Let go.”

Magnus cums with a grunt and kisses Alec deeply, lovingly, conveying the happiness that he’s feeling at being so carefully cradled by his Shadowhunter. As soon as he feels Magnus’ warm seed deep inside his body, Alec lets go as well, feeling some of the tension dissipate. But it still wasn’t enough.

Magnus supports his upper body on his left elbow and softly touches Alec’s cheek with his right hand.

“Are you ok, my love?” Magnus asked full of love, but his voice trembled just the slightest with concern for Alec.

“More, Magnus, please give me more…” Alec stretched his neck to kiss Magnus and Magnus melted against him.

So after a bit of rest, Magnus started gently pushing inside Alec again.

But Alec kept demanding more and more even after their fourth or fifth time, they had lost count. His body was trembling, his voice was hoarse, his muscles screamed in protest, his thighs could no longer support his weight when he tried to lift off Magnus’ lap and Magnus, as he was pulling back to look at Alec, thinks it's time to talk about whatever it was that was making Alec so sad and desperate. He could see the tear stains on his beautiful, now rosy cheeks.

“Alexander, what is the matter, darling? What has you so upset? Talk to me.” Magnus pleaded, feeling his heart break for Alec.

“I can’t lose you. You’re everything to me, Magnus. I love you more than life itself. If I had nothing but you, I would still be the happiest in the world. I can’t lose you… I can’t…”

Alec was shaking and clutching Magnus’ back like it was his last lifeline, tears slowly falling down his cheeks again.

“My love, you’re not going to lose me. I’m here, I’m right here with you. I’m not going anywhere. You have me, for the rest of our lives.” Magnus said, carefully cradling Alec’s face in his palms and kissing his tears away.

At that statement, Alec started crying even harder, sobs wracking his body, hugging Magnus and hiding his tears in his shoulder. Alec knew that there was only one thing he had to do, even if it broke him beyond repair.

“I love you so much, Magnus.”

“Come, let’s get you all cleaned up and then we’ll get into bed and rest, alright?”

Magnus gently pushed Alec to sit up on their bed and carried him princess-style to the bathroom, in hopes that a warm bath would help ease his tension and would relax him enough to talk about whatever has made him so anxious.

They make their way to the bathroom, Alec still holding onto Magnus’ shoulders tightly. Magnus sits Alec down on the edge of the bathtub and starts to fill it up, pouring some pleasant scented oils that they both enjoy. When the tub is sufficiently filled, Magnus helps Alec in. As soon as they are both safely seated in the tub, Magnus draws Alec against his chest and runs his hands soothingly across his broad shoulders. Alec leans against him, his back fully pressed to Magnus’ chest, so much so that he can feel the older man's heartbeat reverberate through his back.

“What happened, darling?” Magnus asked softly, no trace of judgement or annoyance in his voice.

Alec snuggled his head closer to Magnus’ neck where his warmth and natural scent, combined with the ever present scent of sandalwood Alec has come to love so much, is the strongest.

“It’s…it’s nothing. I’m just under so much pressure and I don’t know what to do anymore. Thank you so much for being here.”

Alec hoped that would be enough and Magnus wouldn’t ask further questions. How could he ever tell him that in order to get his magic back, Alec would have to break his heart?

“Are you sure there’s nothing more bothering you?”

Magnus knew when to let Alec have his space and this seemed to be one of those moments.

“Yes, that’s all. I just…need you.”

“I’ll always be here when you need me, Alexander.”

Alec held back the sob that tried to wreak his body.

_No, you won’t be. I can’t stay with you if I want you to be whole again._

The rest of the bath was a quiet affair, Magnus making sure to gently wash Alec from his unruly, beautiful black hair to his long, interminable legs. He uncapped the sandalwood shampoo they both love and used caressing touches, soft words and tender nudges to relax Alec and soothe his worries.

When they were done, Magnus used a big fluffy towel to wrap around Alec and carefully patted his body, drying it of water. They both put on boxers and headed for bed.

As soon as their heads touched the pillows, Magnus pulled Alec against his chest, Alec’s ear resting comfortably on Magnus’ left pec, listening to the strong beats of his heart. Magnus knew that despite the calming bath they had, sleep won’t come easy to his Shadowhunter. Whatever has him so upset, it will not allow him any rest tonight.

“This heart is yours, Alexander. Nothing makes me happier in this world than to have you look my way every day. The love you’ve given me, your heart, that’s the greatest gift I have ever received and I will forever cherish it. There’s nothing in this world I love more than you, Alexander.” Magnus kissed Alec’s forehead and pulled back a bit to look into his beautiful hazel eyes.

“You know, I never expected you.” Magnus said with a small chuckle. “You took me by surprise and that’s a feat in itself for a being that has lived for as long as I have. When so many years pass by, the memories, the faces, the experiences, they eventually all become blended and blurred and shapeless. Nothing stands out anymore. Nothing makes you happy anymore. After you experience everything a human life has to offer more times than you can count, it stops being exciting. I’ve told you many great stories from my travels and adventures, but to be fair, my greatest adventure is you, by far.”

Magnus smiles and cups his boyfriend’s face oh so gently that Alec’s heart breaks a little more.

“I’ve never met someone so selfless, so loving, so unique. You came into my life when I was spiraling down again, when I was thinking there’s no point in living anymore. The only reason we even found each other is because an immortal life on Earth is way better than an eternal existence in Edom. But you waltzed your way into my heart and I’m pretty sure my heart’s name is now Alexander Gideon Lightwood.”

Magnus kisses Alec’s forehead, each of his eyelids, the tip of his nose, finally laying a sweet kiss on his full lips. By now, Alec was crying again.

“I don’t deserve you, Alexander. I’ve done nothing in this life to warrant me my own personal angel.” Magnus says this chuckling, though bitterly.

“And I try every day to show you just how much you mean to me, just how deep my love for you really is. And even when you might feel overwhelmed by it, just know that that’s only a fraction of my actual feelings for you.” Magnus pulls Alec’s head against his chest again and hugs him tightly.

“I know you love me and I love at least as much, Magnus. And you’ve shown me this love so many times I can never deny it. But is that really enough…?” Alec asked, his voice quiet and wavering.

Magnus slowly pulled back, trying to school his expression into something neutral.

“What do you mean, Alec?” Magnus asked, unable to keep a slight tremor from his voice.

“You’ve given up so much for me, Magnus. Am I really worth it? You gave up your magic for me, for my…my brother. No matter what I do, how much I love you, I could never compensate for that. Never!”

Alec had grown increasingly agitated, finally pulling out of Magnus' arms and leaning against the headboard, pulling the covers protectively around his chest.

“Alexander, that was my choice to make and I’ll do it over and over again. I don’t regret it.”

Magnus sat up as well and tried to relax his body as to not agitate Alec further.

“That’s not what you said at dinner two days ago.” Alec's voice was quiet and resigned.

“Alec, I was drunk and upset, but I will never blame you for my decision.”

“Had you not met me, you’d still have your magic.”

Alec’s voice was final and…cold.

“Had I not met you, I might not have walked this Earth anymore. You saved my life, Alec, believe it or not.”

Magnus tried to touch Alec’s forearm, but he flinched back.

“Magnus, you’re…you’re mortal now! You don’t have your magic anymore, you don’t have your job, your apartment anymore! You can’t heal yourself if something happens now! I can’t live with that.”

Alec stood up from bed and started pacing around the room. Magnus stood up as well, keeping his hands in front of himself, as he would when trying to approach a feral animal.

“Alexander, I am fine with it. I get to spend the rest of my life with you. If I were to choose between you and my magic or my immortality, there is no doubt in my mind that I will choose you anytime. Please, come back to me. Let me hold you.”

Magnus said lovingly, carefully caressing Alec’s arm. Alec was looking into Magnus’ eyes and he knew he should have been looking into the beautiful amber cat eyes that he so loves. He collapses against Magnus again and starts crying.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry! You never should have had to do that for me. But I love you and I don’t want to leave you! I can’t! I’ll die without you!”

Magnus was stroking his back soothingly, cradling him lovingly in his arms.

“Alec, what are you talking about? I’m not going anywhere, my love.”

Magnus cupped Alec’s cheek in his right hand and looked at him worryingly. Alec broke down.

“Magnus, Magnus…I…I did something. I don’t know how to undo it. Magnus, I’m scared.”

Alec was trembling and sobbing uncontrollably.

“Talk to me, love. We’ll fix it together, I promise.”

Magnus led them to the bed where he pulled Alec in between his legs, trying to comfort his lover.

“I…I summoned Asmodeus to get your magic and immortality back.”

As soon as he said it, he both regretted it and felt relieved.

“You summoned a Greater Demon to New York?”

Magnus asked incredulously, knowing that Alexander Lightwood, the Head of the New York Institute, would never make such a mistake.

“No, no… I used a medium. I paid her handsomely and she acted as a medium to channel Asmodeus. I would never actually summon a demon in the city.”

Even using a medium, Alec now realizes it might have been a bad idea to get involved with one of the Princes of Hell.

“Why would you summon Asmodeus?” Magnus asked, still a bit shocked at what Alec had done.

“Because I thought that I could convince him to return what he stole from you. Your magic, your immortality, your life.”

Alec sounded defeated and tired.

“My father hardly cares about what a Shadowhunter might want from him, even with regards to his own son. Unless… What...what did he want in exchange?”

Magnus grew alarmed, knowing full well what his father is capable of.

“Magnus, I…I can’t…” Alec cried.

“Alexander, please. I know him better than you do. Whatever deal you made, you are definitely at a disadvantage. What did he ask of you? Oh God, did he ask you to be let into the world? Alec, you can’t do that. Not even Edom is a safe enough place to throw my father in.”

Magnus sat up, forcing Alec to look at him.

“No, he didn’t ask for that. He… He told me that I’m holding you back, that your feelings for me will kill you eventually. And he’s right. Loving me has already cost you your magic and immortality. You had everything, now…”

Alec looked miserable and completely convinced that Asmodeus was right and that Magnus Bane’s greatest burden and weakness is his love for Alec, Alec himself.

“Alexander, _you_ are everything to me. I could never live without you. There’s nothing I want more than to live with you for the rest of the days I have left.”

Magnus tried to lift Alec’s head so that he could look him in the eyes, but Alec stubbornly kept his eyes cast down.

“He told me that he’ll return everything to you if I break up with you. Magnus, I can’t stand in the way of your happiness, your life! I can’t do that to you! The only solution is to break up. You’ll find someone better, someone deserving of you. You’ll forget about me before the day is done.”

Alec was yelling, but he never once made eye contact with Magnus.

The pitiful sound Magnus made, the cry that came from deep within his soul was enough to stop Alec’s ramblings and make him look Magnus’ way.

What he saw broke his heart even more.

Magnus was clutching his chest, his breath coming in short pants, the tears were sliding down his cheeks at an alarming rate and his eyes were darting around as if he was afraid something might jump at him and kill him. His face was becoming ashen, his lips were purplish blue and he wasn’t focusing on anything anymore. He was having a panic attack.

Alec saw this and did what he knew best. He grabbed Magnus’ arms to ground him with touch and tried to get his boyfriend under control again.

“Magnus? Magnus, please calm down, you’re having a panic attack. Magnus, look at me. Magnus, love, focus on me.”

Alec kept his voice steady, strong, but non-aggressive.

After what felt like hours, but had only been a couple of minutes, Magnus finally started to come back. He’s shaking uncontrollably, he’s still crying and sobbing, but his gaze is somewhat focused on Alec.

“No…no, don’t – don’t leave me… I promise I’ll be good, I won’t do anything bad anymore. Don’t go…”

Magnus’ voice was shaky, raspy, painful to the ear by how raw it sounded. Alec gathered Magnus in his arms and held him tight.

“I’m here, Magnus, I’m here. Listen to my heartbeat, I’m here.”

Alec was desperate to calm Magnus down, to pull him out from the bad place he had slipped into. And it was only his fault Magnus was like this anyway. Why could he never do anything right? _Stupid!!_

“Aleeeeec… Aleeeeeeec… Don’t leave meeee…”

His cries shattered Alec’s heart. He was only thinking of himself, trying to do something to ease his own guilt and he never even thought about what Magnus would feel about a decision like this. He disregarded Magnus’ feelings and now Magnus paid the price.

“I’m not, I’m not going anywhere, Magnus. I’m sorry, I’ll never say that again. I’m here, with you. I’m not going anywhere. I love you so much. Please, believe me. I love you, Magnus!”

Alec was silently crying while rubbing Magnus’ back and trying to calm him down.

“Alec, Alec, Alec…no, I can’t lose you, Alec. Stay with me. I’ll do anything…”

Magnus was still crying, his tremors weren’t stopping and his body was still as tense as a drawn bow.

“Magnus, look at me, love. Look at me!”

Alec forced Magnus’ head up, cupping his cheeks and softly brushing his thumbs through Magnus’ tears.

“Look at me, I’m right here, I’m not leaving. I’m sorry, I’m not leaving.”

Alec’s eyes were red and glossy with unshed tears and his voice had taken a desperate note.

Magnus finally looked, actually looked at Alec and jumped to hug him. He held on so tight, despite his hands being cold and numb because of the excess of adrenaline, despite his body still trembling, despite his knees giving out on him. Magnus’ mind brought back memories of his mother, of the bloody knife, of his stepfather’s rejection and attempt at killing him. His mind ran back to all the times he’d lost loved ones, all the times his heart had been broken and stomped on and turned to dust, yet nothing hurt as bad as Alec telling him they should break up. And for what? For his magic? It’s true, it was a part of him, but he’d never trade Alexander for his magic.

But what if Alec didn’t actually want to stay? What if he was clinging onto Alec, even though Alec had decided already that he’s not worth the trouble? What if Alec was staying with him…out of guilt?

That last thought sobered Magnus somewhat and he pulled out of Alec’s embrace. Magnus kept his eyes cast downward and even though his body was still shaking and his heart was crying out for Alec’s warmth, he kept himself at an arm’s length.

“Magnus? What’s wrong?”

Alec was worried and he could almost see the physical walls Magnus was building around himself.

“I won’t stop you. I won’t keep you against your will. That’s not what I want. I thought you loved me as I love you. There’s nothing more important to me than you. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do to keep you safe. But if my feelings and dedication to you are a burden, I won’t…I won’t hold you back.”

Magnus tried to keep his back straight, his voice steady and strong, but he failed.

“Magnus, what…what are you talking about?”

Alec’s voice had risen in pitch and his heart was constricting painfully in his chest.

Magnus finally looks at Alec, his brown eyes an abyss of sorrow.

“Alec, all I’ve ever wanted was for you to be happy, but you’re clearly not happy with me, now that I’ve lost my powers. Am I not enough for you anymore? Do you not love me anymore? If that is so, just tell me. I’ll…I’ll do better, _be_ better. O–or, I’ll let you…I’ll let you go, like you want. Is that what you want?”

Magnus’ tears were streaming down his face, his chest was heaving and his heart was breaking, piece by piece.

“NO! Magnus, no, that is not what I want! I want you, I need you, I love you, more than I ever thought humanly possible. But you’re suffering, you’re in pain and I need to make it better. I can’t watch you waste away because you gave up a part of yourself, a very important part of yourself for me.”

Alec was holding onto Magnus’ shoulders, slightly shaking him, trying to make him understand.

“Then, then what do you _want_ , Alec? I don’t understand why you’re talking about breaking up.”

“Because that’s what Asmodeus told me was the price for getting your powers and immortality back. That’s the price for your happiness.” Alec finished on a quiet tone, drained emotionally.

“Alexander, _you_ are my happiness. _You_ make me happy! And we’ll find a way to handle this deal of yours with Asmodeus together.”

Magnus felt a small glimmer of hope against hope blooming in his chest. Maybe Alec still loved him, maybe he was still willing to give their relationship a try.

“Really? You mean that? I don’t have to break up with you? I’m allowed to still love you and stay by your side?”

Alec’s hopeful beautiful hazel eyes bore into Magnus’ and Magnus couldn’t help but think that he’d never give Alec up, come what may.

“Yes, my love. I will be yours for as long as you’ll have me.”

Magnus’ body had finally calmed down from the attack’s after-effects and he managed a small smile.

“Forever, Magnus and not a day less.”

Alec hugged him so tight he worried he might break Magnus’ bones, but he didn’t let go.

After some time in each other's arms, Magnus finally spoke up, determination and anger lacing his voice.

“How much time did Asmodeus give you to break up with me?” Magnus looked like a shark ready to attack.

“He gave me four days. He said that will be enough.”

“In that case, we’d better make them count.”

The next day, Magnus and Alec called Izzy and Jace to Alec’s room, where Magnus was also staying since his loft was still in Lorenzo’s hands.

“What you’re about to hear does not leave this room, understood? Alec’s and my life are at risk, which is why we require absolute secrecy.” Magnus said seriously standing in front of the two Shadowhunters, Alec to his right.

“Of course, you have our word.’ Jace hurried to say. “What happened? Is it Lilith?”

“No, it’s Asmodeus.” Alec replied, his features stony and closed off.

“Alec, what happened?” Izzy spoke up, worrying her bright red bottom lip between her teeth.

“I met with him yesterday to try and strike a deal and get Magnus’ magic and immortality back.”

Jace flinched, knowing Magnus had given both up to break Lilith’s hold on his soul.

“You did what?! You met with a Greater Demon on your own? A Prince of Hell? You summoned a Prince of Hell to New York? What were you thinking?” Izzy said, jumping to her feet and leveling her brother with a glare.

“No, I didn’t summon him to New York, I used a medium. Look, that’s not the point. The point is that his price for both those things was my relationship with Magnus. In other words, I break up with Magnus, he restores his magic and immortality.” Alec finished on a rather angry tone.

The situation was frustrating, to say the least, and his siblings’ judgement was something he could definitely do without.

“What…? I hope you didn’t accept? Alec?” Jace’s voice was trembling just the slightest bit. He knew how important Magnus and Alec were to each other and how much they loved one another. Nothing could or _should_ break them apart.

“I accepted. I didn’t think I had any other choice, but I talked to Magnus last night and we came up with a plan. However, we're going to need both of you to make it happen.”

“Of course, anything you need. What can we do to help?”

And so they got to working.

The plan was rather simple. So simple in fact, that Magnus knew his father won't be suspecting anything.

Alec and Magnus are supposed to fight publicly, the fight having already been orchestrated. Magnus would then walk around the city, seeming like he’s trying to calm his anger and forget Alec, all the while waiting for Asmodeus to make his move.

Magnus knew and understood Asmodeus quite well. He knew what Asmodeus was after. A Prince of Hell and his son, their powers combined could bring all Hell’s realms to their feet. Asmodeus would rule over the entirety of Hell. Then the human world would be just an easy step away. Breaking Magnus’ spirit would be the only way to lure him to his side, like he had done when Magnus was just a kid walking the streets barefoot, hungry, tired and scared.

Alec, in turn, would appear to have returned to the Institute, licking his own post-breakup wounds.

Isabelle and Jace would set up the Malachi configuration in Magnus’ loft, letting Lorenzo know that the only way to capture Asmodeus would be to use a place Asmodeus knew well and trusted. Lorenzo went as far as to imitate Magnus’ wards – or what would have been left of them – to make it seem like the loft was still somewhat under Magnus’ power, even though he had lost his magic. It wasn't difficult in any way. After decades, _centuries_ of living in that loft, it was practically part of Magnus himself.

They hoped they’d be able to catch Asmodeus and send him back to Edom.

With the plan in place, Magnus and Alec walk to Brooklyn Bridge Love Locks where they had their own lock, inscribed with _Aku cinta kamu_. Magnus yells at Alec that he had only been using him for his position as High Warlock and that now that he didn’t have magic anymore he finally showed his true face. Alec yelled at Magnus that he had never been in love with him and that he’d never be with a Downworlder.

“I was just a convenient tool for you, wasn’t I? Typical Lightwoods. All cut out from the same putrid cloth.” Magnus said with a sneer.

“Huh, you’re talking about me and _my_ family being putrid? Have you checked yourself, oh I don’t know, in the last 400 years? You’re a Downworlder and I’ve never seen that clearer.” Alec yelled back.

“You know what? I don’t have to do this! Fuck you and I never want to see you again!” Magnus shouted and turned his back to Alec.

“Well, fuck you too and don’t worry, I never want to cross paths with you again either. I can’t believe I thought I was in love with you.”

With that, they both walked in different directions. Alec headed for the Institute and Magnus started walking towards his loft.

As soon as Magnus reached the building, Asmodeus materialized in front of him.

“My boy…”

Asmodeus was as impeccably dressed as always, but his handsome face was twisted in a sneer that was supposed to be a smile. That smile was even colder than the winter wind around them.

“How did you get here? What fool summoned you?”

Magnus knew his part well and he played it like a world-class actor. He seemed surprised and disgusted at the same time.

“A father’s love knows no bounds. I could feel your pain all the way from Edom. I had to come.”

Asmodeus was approaching Magnus with his arms wide open and an honest expression on his face. Honest for anyone that didn’t know him. Magnus, however, did.

“Stay away from me!”

Magnus took a step back, partly playing the part, but mostly out of disgust for his father.

“You misunderstand, son.”

Asmodeus kept on advancing, while Magnus kept on taking steps back. It looked and felt like a very unbalanced, creepy dance.

“Oh, no, no, no, I completely understand. You’re here to spread your darkness. It’s what you do.”

Magnus turned and walked up the stairs to his loft. Asmodeus followed him up, catching up to him as they were walking through the door.

“No. Today I come to give you what’s rightfully yours.”

In one quick stride, Asmodeus was right in front of Magnus, grabbing his right elbow with his left hand and using his right hand, he pushed Magnus’ magic back into his body. Magnus’ chest lit up with a bright orange light and he could feel the empty well where his magic used to sit fill up again.

That was unexpected.

All Magnus wanted was to send Asmodeus back to Edom where he would hopefully spend all eternity, having no way to come back topside.

Having his powers back, however… Well, that definitely made their plan a lot easier.

Magnus kept up the act and stumbled backwards into the couch appearing exhausted.

As expected, Asmodeus took a step forward trying to overwhelm Magnus with his presence. As soon as he stepped on the marked spot, Isabelle and Jace unglamoured themselves and stuck the final knives used in the Malachi configuration into the floor, effectively locking Asmodeus in.

Magnus stood up, elegantly arranging his disheveled clothes and walked towards the cage.

“Magnus, what are you doing? You fools! You think you can contain me in this puny enclosure? I will feed you to my Edomai when I get my hands on you!” Asmodeus roared, but the cage didn’t move.

Magnus pushed some magic into it to make sure it never will.

“You underestimated our love, father.” As soon as Magnus spoke those words, Alec appeared at his side, circling his waist with his left arm. Magnus looked up and smiled at him. “There’s nothing in this world more important to me than him.”

Turning back to his father, Magnus continued delivering blow after blow. “You see, I knew something was wrong with Alexander and it didn’t take long for him to confess that he had been coerced into breaking up with me so that you would return my magic and my immortality. But what he’s come to realize, what I’ve only just recently understood myself, is that my magic, my immortality, they don’t matter to me as much as Alec does. You could’ve kept them. I wouldn’t have cared, but I thank you for returning them nonetheless. Now, if you’ll excuse me, we have a wedding to plan. Our wedding, I believe, Alexander.”

Alec hadn’t officially proposed, but Isabelle told Magnus that Alec had planned on doing it the night he arrived drunk for their beautiful dinner on the balcony.

For the first time in centuries, Asmodeus was speechless. He never would’ve thought that his own son would defy him like this.

“You’re weak! You’ve allowed yourself to be corrupted by…by this abomination, by a Nephilim! He’s fickle, he’s fragile and easily breakable. He’ll never love you like your father does. I’m here for all eternity, Magnus, do NOT forget that.”

Asmodeus added so much power and venom in his last words that even the plants in the room died. The threat to both Alec and Magnus was clear in Asmodeus’ words.

“Enough! You are not welcomed here and I am done playing your games.”

Magnus opened a portal and surrounded Asmodeus with vicious, vindictive, powerful magic, holding him bound and shoving him down on his knees.

“Do you know what happens when you enter a portal unconscious?”

Asmodeus looked back at the portal that Magnus had just opened.

“You get stuck in limbo.”

“Forever.”

Magnus used a thread of magic to choke his father to unconsciousness and pushed him into the portal.

“Goodbye, father.”

Magnus turned around and found himself enveloped in Alec’s strong, warm arms. Magnus let himself feel the pain of loss and sagged against Alec’s broad chest. He might have been the Universe’s worst father, but Asmodeus was Magnus’ father nonetheless. He shed tears for the childhood he could have had, but never did, he shed tears for the father that should have loved him, but never did, he shed tears for the mother that could not accept and love him for being a demon, when he loved her more than life itself. He found solace in Alec’s soft words full of love and admiration. He thought about his friends, his real family, Cat, Ragnor and Raphael. They gave him strength to live each day, to help people instead of harming them, to love and not hate. But most of all, his strength came from the tall, loving man in front of him, the man that was ready to crush his own heart to dust so that Magnus could feel whole again.

When he stepped back from Alec’s embrace, he found that Alec’s eyes were glassy with unshed tears.

“Why are you crying, Alec? Are you hurt?” Magnus asked worried.

“No, I’m not. I just hate to see you suffer and not be able to do anything to ease the pain. I’m sorry you had to banish your father like that and I’m sorry I was the cause of it.”

Alec’s sadness for Magnus’ pain was evident in every small wrinkle on his forehead or the downturn of the corners of his mouth.

“Alec, I did this for myself. He’s been a constant evil looming in the shadows, waiting for me to slip up and give into my dark side. As much as it hurts me to admit this, I’ve always been his war machine, a tool for him to gain more and more power. I don’t think he’s ever loved me, not in the real sense, he didn’t. Still, he was my father and I can’t help but think that maybe our relationship would have been different had he not used and abused me in the past. I mourn the loss of a father I should have had, but never did. So, please... just hold me and let me settle my thoughts and feelings. I’ll soon be up to no good, like always.”

Magnus smiled just the tiniest bit, but it was a sincere smile.

They will handle the aftermath of a Greater Demon having been banished for good, they will handle the loft’s situation, they will write all the necessary reports, but now?

The only thing they needed was each other.

Magnus fell asleep in Alec’s arms, feeling at peace for the first time in centuries.

Alec gathered his world in his arms and finally took a steady breath in.

They will fight other wars, they will face other threats, but they will do it together.

Always.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic (and probably the next ones as well 🤭) is dedicated to my two very good friends, Vanessa and Johanna.  
> You beautiful souls have kept me above water during this lockdown and have given me a friendship I never thought possible, considering the fact we're only some thousands of miles apart 🤣🤣🤣  
> I love you both ❤️❤️❤️ and you motivate me to do more, read more and thirst more, of course 🤤🤤🤤
> 
> I hope you enjoy this fic and I know it's not the one I promised you guys, but it's the one that came out 💩. Came out, get it? 😂😂😂 (I am soooo not funny 😓😓😓)


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